naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
We left an ass print on the piano.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Randomize
