I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
