so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
