I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
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Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
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Im just a social blackout drinker.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
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