i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
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