Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
