Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
