I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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