She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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