I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You know, be my cock's hype man.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
