Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
