Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
