This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Randomize
