Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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