i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
There's always time for handjobs
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
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