I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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