and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
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Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
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It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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