She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
