hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
