Cold hands, warm shart.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
