VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
