i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
And the cops told us we were all naked.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
