I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize