I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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