Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
