If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
