I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
