my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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