How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
