Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
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The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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