we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
