Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
