he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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