You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
