Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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