"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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