If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
