I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
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