Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
