Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
