i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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