Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
