I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Randomize
