checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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