is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
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I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
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I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
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