I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
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I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
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I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
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