You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
