Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Randomize
