Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
