Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
