he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
