your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
he was CRYING into my vagina
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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