oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Randomize
