no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
