i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
