Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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