Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
