He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
