I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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