if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
