I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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