I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
