If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
