So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm just crazy horny about you
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
PANTIES FOUND
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