Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
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