do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
